And I sit here. Listening to the sound of crackers, children laughing, chatting, shouting in the distance. It’s darkness that surrounds me except for this lantern lying right in front of me. It’s the most soothing experience I’ve had this whole year. And now that I have a chance I simply pen it down. It’s difficult you see, to pen down happiness when all you’ve ever bled out, is pain in blue, on the dark paper of sleepless nights. But I’ll try anyway. And although tonight remains sleepless still, all I feel is happiness, satisfaction, contentment and relief, instead of pain, sadness, self loathing and an impulse to end this life right away. It’s a new feeling, an alien one to be precise, all this peace and love that surrounds me, this sunshine and warmth, I am so used to dark, cold nights and pain and tears, that to be completely honest, I’m just waiting for this “happy span” to end. Well, it’s become kind of a writer’s block to me you know.. And then again, I’ve discovered there’s this quality to pain, it’s addictive, happiness is like being afloat, but sadness means drowning, and you can’t keep looking at the sun while you float all the time, it hurts the eyes. But drowning, it’s submission, you have no control over your body, it’s simply letting go, free, feel the weight, let it control you, sinking, it’s like flying under water, even if in reality you are crashing, going down, it’s beautiful, and then there’s the world you see beneath, the ocean bed, because you don’t find treasures on beaches, just messages in bottles.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here